my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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