Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
