tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
