you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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