She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize