Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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