What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it hurts more in the daytime
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
