His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
