dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
