Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
