she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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