Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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