McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
