Your face is a jimmy john
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
