I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
