I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
