i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
