you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
