and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
