She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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