it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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