I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
