I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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