return my video game
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
