No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
