just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
