Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
