yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
