We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
