last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
