It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
