remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
