Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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