There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
