I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
