Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i love accidental penises.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i dont even know how to be here
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
