and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize