i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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