What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
