In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
