I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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