apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
