I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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