They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
