some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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