So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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