I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
