Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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