dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
