Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
