it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
