Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
