Need sex. Gaining weight.
he puts the penis in happiness.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
