census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I forget how to act sober
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