I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize