dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
