I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
