She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
