Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
