Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
