singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
