it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
this is an emotional support booty call
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
