her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
