i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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