There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
