When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
