I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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