I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
