Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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