he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
