I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
