i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize