im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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