dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
