he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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